I guess we'll see... I used to love to journal, but I took myself a lot more seriously back then. I've got a website for my beautiful daughter, a board full of cyber-mommy friends I truly ADORE, and I email with some regularity. So why not a little space for me? Well, because it might be utterly dull. Let's find out, kids.
My little sweetheart (alternately referred to as "little monster") is sleeping in my lap. My beagle's asleep. My husband is at work, bless him. It's just me, awake and quiet.
I love being a mom. It's an amazing experience, with each day different from the last. Difficult, certainly - but I think I'm pretty perfect for it. Most days I really believe I was made simply to be this child's mother.
I'm constantly amazed at all the mommies who seem to be focused on the "bad." Sure, I have my moments. There are times when I think I can't stand one more cry, or walk one more step, or wake up one more night... But I never go to my friends or family or cyber-pals with that as my mindset. I can't imagine a day when looking at Isabella couldn't mend every hurt in my soul. Her face - I can't describe it. It's like air, and water, and warmth. It's all I need.
Lately a few people I thought I could trust (and why did I, in retrospect? they never begged my faith) have really disappointed me. I admit, I get disappointed easily. I put SO MUCH faith in folks that I think it would be impossible to not feel "let down" here and there. My husband assures me that few can live up to the beauty I expect from them. But I hate to lower my standards - I give a lot, and don't look for anything from anyone that I haven't provided many times over myself. What's the solution, then? No matter. Only Ella is important, in the end. And despite the insensitive assholes out there, I know a few incredible people. These are the souls that keep a girl sane - that keep her positive and enable her to keep trying...
And it's Ella that makes me completely alive.
I'm rambling, I think. Onward. To anyone who is worthy of faith - I salute you.
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3 comments:
This is why I adore you, my friend. You focus on the positive and you inspire!
What do we have HERE??? A Lara blog of which I previously knew nothing! Now granted, it has not been updated in a week, but I am very excited! Hee hee!
Okay..actual comments...
1) I always journal the bad stuff because I need to purge it. And I like knowing that I'm not the only occasionally ungrateful wench out there, so I will confess to sometimes reading other people's bad and nodding my head. But I vow to still read this faithfully, even if it's all happy!
2) Ella looks a lot like Matt. Beautiful family!
3) I'm looking forward to the full carrots story to appear here. That picture I got today rocked! I want to know all about it, including the carroty-poo!
love,
Annie
How honored I feel that you started this on MY BIRTHDAY! heheheh
xoxoxoooxoxx
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